I think it's a big mistake for guys to ask women for dating advice and even worse, to actually act upon them.
Now I don't mean women do this intentionally. They are well-intentioned and they may even believe in it themselves but here's why the advice is bad.
The simple truth is: Most women don't imagine some guy they are not attracted to approaching them.
Guys, imagine if girls came to you for advice about getting guys. Would you be imagining some unattractive, overweight girl showing interest to you or would you be imagining a pretty chick who also happens to have an interesting personality showing interest in you? How the world should work is a far cry how the world does work.
If you were instead to ask a girl, "Hey, imagine an unattractive guy. He's short, a little overweight, and is shy and timid and isn't charismatic at all. What would he have to do in order to get your number and get a date?"
Instead of the usual advice like "just be yourself", "be nice and polite to her", "just go up to her and say hi", etc. She'd probably give you a blank stare and don't know what to say. The truth is, there's not much that unattractive guy can do to win her affection.
All the arbitrary advice you hear from women would work IF SHE IS ALREADY ATTRACTED TO YOU.
I may seem like I'm pointing out the obvious but you'd be amazed at how many guys including some on this forum are unaware of this and think that women have some sort of insight into the dating game. They don't. Women often themselves cannot explain why they are attracted to a guy and why they find themselves sleeping with a supposed asshole.
The key to creating attraction with a girl is emotional manipulation. Now I don't mean necessarily the evil kind that narcissists or Machiavellian types do. The guys who are naturally good at attracting women do so unintentionally and wouldn't even realize they're doing it. But for those of us guys where it doesn't come so naturally, that's how it works. You've got to manipulate your way into her pants so to speak. This is precisely why guys who are supposedly assholes tend to be successful with women. These guys tend to have more narcissistic, machievallian traits to them and are just naturally good at manipulating women's emotions. Even if they are unaware that they're doing so. They probably think they're just playing and teasing her and that it's innocent fun but he's really having an impact on her emotionally.
Now obviously I'm not sure on the exact technique. Every guy is different. But what I'm saying is, with enough practice, you can tailor a technique that suits yourself and your own strengths. The key however is to get an emotional response from her. Here are some examples:
1) Feign Indifference but then give her a few crumbs as a reward (I've done this personally)
This method would work on a girl you see on a regular basis. Such as someone at work or a girl whose in your social circle. You and her are at most casual friends and you've known each other for awhile. You feign indifference and don't care. I don't mean being rude and ignoring her but just not showing that she's on your mind at all. But then suddenly out of nowhere, shower her with care and affection. And then go right back to being indifferent.
This is why some girls fall in love with captors who show a bit of kindness/compassion (aka stockholm syndrome). And also why soldiers on the battlefield will risk death and maiming when they see an officer who leads from the front and feigns indifference to the bullets and shells landing around him.
I can attest personally (and I'm by no means a ladies man as many can tell from my threads) that this works because I tried it on a female friend at a party. She ended up in my bed that night. No joke. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to duplicate it since. Maybe because at the time, I did it unintentionally. But this really works though.
2) Be straightforward and honest
This might work if you are somewhat conventionally good looking and you're a "nice guy." Just be straightforward and honest. Tell her how you feel and make no mistake about it. You can even act a little desperate. She might come around because you're not hard on the eyes and you're a nice guy and you're wearing your heart on your sleeve which she will see as a brave thing to do.
3) Be mean to her
This works if you're a physically unattractive guy. Being nice to her won't do anything in this case because at most you'll just be the friend whom she complains to about the assholes she goes on dates with. Feigning indifference won't work either because she'll just ignore you entirely as in you won't even register in her mind.
Just be mean to her. Not in a crude or barbaric way or in a way that will get you into trouble with the law. I mean, subtle meanness and in some situations, just being plain mean. Single her out and zero in on her on your bad days. She will hate you but at least you are on her mind. Pretty soon she will confront you about it and when that happens, you are no longer a nobody in her mind. Now that you have her attention, do more of #1.
Obviously these are just guidelines. They can be tailored to fit each case and each situation and individuals involved. But the key point is to get some sort of emotional response from her, even if it's a negative one. A negative response is better than no response at all. That's the problem with NICE GUYS. When you're a nice boring guy who really cares for a girl and you bring her out on a date with you, you are activating the logical side of her brain. She will think, yeah this is the guy I should date and should like. But her emotional side is going, oh my god, this guy is so bland. When is this date going to be over?
Nice guys are like chewing plain celery. There's no flavor.
This is why a lot of girls, when you ask them how a particular date was, they'll say, "Eh, it's ok." Those are the words of death right there. The nice guy she was just on a date with has just been executed. It'd be better if she came away with a date saying, "wow what an asshole! I'm never seeing him again!" Two weeks later, she will see him again.
Emotional manipulation. That is the key. The guys who are naturally good at girls know how to manipulate girls' emotions without realizing they're doing it. Those of us who aren't good naturally, that's what we have to do. It may seem counter-intuitive. It'll be like wearing pants on backwards or wearing shoes on the wrong feet but that's what's needed.
During the Napoleonic wars in the early 19th century, officers on the battlefield were expected o feign indifference when artillery shells landed near them. They were to stand stock still and act like they barely noticed even though they were just inches away from being blown to bits or maimed. This kind of behavior earned the respect of their men and motivated the men to be brave and stand up and fight.
Dating is a lot like warfare. You're going to have to risk emotional destruction and pain in order to get what you want. And a lot of the things you are going to have to do will seem counter-intuitive and not right. Just like how soldiers on the battlefield run straight into bullets and artillery shells rather than cower and hide themselves.
Now I don't mean women do this intentionally. They are well-intentioned and they may even believe in it themselves but here's why the advice is bad.
The simple truth is: Most women don't imagine some guy they are not attracted to approaching them.
Guys, imagine if girls came to you for advice about getting guys. Would you be imagining some unattractive, overweight girl showing interest to you or would you be imagining a pretty chick who also happens to have an interesting personality showing interest in you? How the world should work is a far cry how the world does work.
If you were instead to ask a girl, "Hey, imagine an unattractive guy. He's short, a little overweight, and is shy and timid and isn't charismatic at all. What would he have to do in order to get your number and get a date?"
Instead of the usual advice like "just be yourself", "be nice and polite to her", "just go up to her and say hi", etc. She'd probably give you a blank stare and don't know what to say. The truth is, there's not much that unattractive guy can do to win her affection.
All the arbitrary advice you hear from women would work IF SHE IS ALREADY ATTRACTED TO YOU.
I may seem like I'm pointing out the obvious but you'd be amazed at how many guys including some on this forum are unaware of this and think that women have some sort of insight into the dating game. They don't. Women often themselves cannot explain why they are attracted to a guy and why they find themselves sleeping with a supposed asshole.
The key to creating attraction with a girl is emotional manipulation. Now I don't mean necessarily the evil kind that narcissists or Machiavellian types do. The guys who are naturally good at attracting women do so unintentionally and wouldn't even realize they're doing it. But for those of us guys where it doesn't come so naturally, that's how it works. You've got to manipulate your way into her pants so to speak. This is precisely why guys who are supposedly assholes tend to be successful with women. These guys tend to have more narcissistic, machievallian traits to them and are just naturally good at manipulating women's emotions. Even if they are unaware that they're doing so. They probably think they're just playing and teasing her and that it's innocent fun but he's really having an impact on her emotionally.
Now obviously I'm not sure on the exact technique. Every guy is different. But what I'm saying is, with enough practice, you can tailor a technique that suits yourself and your own strengths. The key however is to get an emotional response from her. Here are some examples:
1) Feign Indifference but then give her a few crumbs as a reward (I've done this personally)
This method would work on a girl you see on a regular basis. Such as someone at work or a girl whose in your social circle. You and her are at most casual friends and you've known each other for awhile. You feign indifference and don't care. I don't mean being rude and ignoring her but just not showing that she's on your mind at all. But then suddenly out of nowhere, shower her with care and affection. And then go right back to being indifferent.
This is why some girls fall in love with captors who show a bit of kindness/compassion (aka stockholm syndrome). And also why soldiers on the battlefield will risk death and maiming when they see an officer who leads from the front and feigns indifference to the bullets and shells landing around him.
I can attest personally (and I'm by no means a ladies man as many can tell from my threads) that this works because I tried it on a female friend at a party. She ended up in my bed that night. No joke. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to duplicate it since. Maybe because at the time, I did it unintentionally. But this really works though.
2) Be straightforward and honest
This might work if you are somewhat conventionally good looking and you're a "nice guy." Just be straightforward and honest. Tell her how you feel and make no mistake about it. You can even act a little desperate. She might come around because you're not hard on the eyes and you're a nice guy and you're wearing your heart on your sleeve which she will see as a brave thing to do.
3) Be mean to her
This works if you're a physically unattractive guy. Being nice to her won't do anything in this case because at most you'll just be the friend whom she complains to about the assholes she goes on dates with. Feigning indifference won't work either because she'll just ignore you entirely as in you won't even register in her mind.
Just be mean to her. Not in a crude or barbaric way or in a way that will get you into trouble with the law. I mean, subtle meanness and in some situations, just being plain mean. Single her out and zero in on her on your bad days. She will hate you but at least you are on her mind. Pretty soon she will confront you about it and when that happens, you are no longer a nobody in her mind. Now that you have her attention, do more of #1.
Obviously these are just guidelines. They can be tailored to fit each case and each situation and individuals involved. But the key point is to get some sort of emotional response from her, even if it's a negative one. A negative response is better than no response at all. That's the problem with NICE GUYS. When you're a nice boring guy who really cares for a girl and you bring her out on a date with you, you are activating the logical side of her brain. She will think, yeah this is the guy I should date and should like. But her emotional side is going, oh my god, this guy is so bland. When is this date going to be over?
Nice guys are like chewing plain celery. There's no flavor.
This is why a lot of girls, when you ask them how a particular date was, they'll say, "Eh, it's ok." Those are the words of death right there. The nice guy she was just on a date with has just been executed. It'd be better if she came away with a date saying, "wow what an asshole! I'm never seeing him again!" Two weeks later, she will see him again.
Emotional manipulation. That is the key. The guys who are naturally good at girls know how to manipulate girls' emotions without realizing they're doing it. Those of us who aren't good naturally, that's what we have to do. It may seem counter-intuitive. It'll be like wearing pants on backwards or wearing shoes on the wrong feet but that's what's needed.
During the Napoleonic wars in the early 19th century, officers on the battlefield were expected o feign indifference when artillery shells landed near them. They were to stand stock still and act like they barely noticed even though they were just inches away from being blown to bits or maimed. This kind of behavior earned the respect of their men and motivated the men to be brave and stand up and fight.
Dating is a lot like warfare. You're going to have to risk emotional destruction and pain in order to get what you want. And a lot of the things you are going to have to do will seem counter-intuitive and not right. Just like how soldiers on the battlefield run straight into bullets and artillery shells rather than cower and hide themselves.